Go to the Source

I'm not yelling at you, it's just going to read like that. We all do what I am going to talk about here, from time to time. I don't feel good when I do it, and I am very disappointed and frustrated when others do it. I needed to vent, and challenge myself publicly to confront this common behavior in myself and others. Thank you for reading this, pausing to reflect on your own behavior, and spreading the word!



If you get poor service at a restaurant, who should you tell, if you want to make a difference?

Not your friends at work - they don't own the restaurant!

If your co-worker is constantly missing one step in a process, who can change that?

Not your boss - the boss isn't making the mistake.

If you are being passed over for promotions, and you've never told your manager that you are interested, who's to blame?

You!  Your leaders, no matter how wonderful they are, cannot read minds.

If a friend of yours cheats whenever you go golfing and it makes you angry, what do you do?

Telling your other friends about the "Cheater" instead of confronting the friend won't change a thing.

If an instructor is not doing anything to help you learn or isn't interesting, who needs to know?

Your friends at happy hour or your spouse don't teach the class.

If someone is doing a great job, who should they hear that from?

You - it loses power when you ask someone else to pass on a thank-you or a compliment!


I spend too much of my time coaching people on how to simply have a direct conversation.

I also spend too much of my non-work time encouraging people to talk to the source, or discourage them from sharing their "message" with me. I have chosen to stop being a messenger.

Why is it so hard to go to the source? Why do we avoid talking to the individual that could actually do something about the issue?

What in our human nature thinks it's okay to or complain about something or someone that cannot possibly make the situation any better?

I know the psychology here. I understand "where" this behavior comes from. I just want us to stop it!



If you have a concern or complaint or request or compliment, be courageous and go to the source.

If someone comes to you to complain about someone or something, be courageous and encourage them to go to the source.

I know that what I am asking is not easy to do; if it were easy, more of us would be doing it. Nothing worth having or being or doing is easy!

By the way, going to the source is NOT a guarantee that things will change, but at least you talked to the right person!


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