It was one of those picture-perfect days at work
Just kidding – it wasn’t
The director I was working with on a consulting project offered me some feedback. By “offer” I mean said “you need to change the way you are doing things because it’s not working”. That was hard to hear and not surprisingly, I got defensive. Pretty sure it showed on my face! The next thing he said landed much better.
“You know, it’s just another perspective on things. You always have the choice of what you do with it.”
Every week I have coaching conversations with people who freely give away their power and I find myself reminding them that they have a choice – they get to decide.
“Who is making that decision for you?”
Here are 3 examples from my life …
Fashion trends change all the time, right? For many years I got sucked into what the in colors were or the length of dresses – or the length of pants for that matter. A few years ago, skinny leg jeans hit the fashion runway and I fell in love with skinny jeans. I like how they feel and how they look. Recently I was shopping, and a well-intentioned clerk pointed out that skinny jeans were now mom jeans and wide legs were in fashion. I get to decide what I wear and so I politely said “I’ve done the wide leg thing in 2 other decades and I’m done with it – thank you though. I’ll stick with my mom jeans because… I am a mom.”
A coaching client received feedback on what someone thought should be their focus. It threw this client into a swirl of questioning priorities and decision making. As we worked through this lack of confidence that had reared its ugly head, I asked if there was a “right” way to prioritize. The answer was NO! Priorities are based on our values. The person providing the feedback in this case had very different values than my client, so of course my client’s priorities didn’t align with Mr X. It was easy for me to see that my client was willing to quickly give away their power of choice to someone else. We’re working on “I get to decide” who’s perspectives I value and who’s I don’t.
I teach a dance fitness program and observing the instructor online banter is fascinating. In my opinion, music choice is very subjective, so there is no “right” songs to use with other songs in a workout. Many instructors are eager to point out that the music didn’t fit with the choreography or two songs shouldn’t be put next to each other in a set. I’ve watched instructors feel bad and make changes based on someone else’s opinion. I waste zero energy worrying about if my choice matches someone else’s choice because I get to decide.
Perhaps you read this and think I have an attitude that needs to be altered.
Perhaps it comes across as though I don’t care what people think.
That isn’t true; I do care, and I still get to decide what I will do with what other people think. I spent too many years giving away my power to choose what I liked, what I did, what I believed in or who I liked. I also have watched people own their decisions, their choices and I see their self-confidence soar. If you find yourself putting more value in what others will think than what you value, it is time to remind yourself “I get to decide.”