Not exactly sure where this post will end up tonight; I guess I'll just write and end when I run out of thoughts. Perhaps it's the unending rain, cold, hail, wind, snow showers on April 29th that have me in a bit of a funk or it could be the new deep forehead wrinkle I noticed as I looked in the rearview mirror today. Then again, I could still be getting over the surprise that comes with April 15th and tax season. I'm not sure what has me in this less than sunshiney space. I know that I've written about being in a funk before, because I wrote about how great music can pull me out of a funk and asked what you use to pull you out of the muck.
Tonight's post has a bit of a different spin. I am thinking about disappointment and how different people handle it. I don't handle it as well as I would like. I remember being in elementary school and the huge disappointment I had when a planned sleepover with a friend was cancelled because she got sick. It was completely out of my control, but I would mope around and slip into a bummed, semi-crabby mood for a couple of days. There are countless scenarios where something I was really looking forward to ended up not happening; it didn't make any difference what the reason was, I experienced this big let down and it took me a few days to get over it. I always had friends or parents or a husband that would try to cheer me up - even come up with other fun things we could do - it didn't work. My heart was set on one thing and when that one thing didn't happen, nothing else was going to make a difference.
This came up for me this week because three nights in a row, I have been and will be disappointed. WOW - listen to that - I am already counting on disappointment to take place tomorrow night. Is that so I can be really ready to feel badly for myself? This crummy rainy weather made it so that I could not get out to the driving range last night. BUMMED! Tonight, we were supposed to be at the Minnesota Twins game (my first game of the year) and it was postponed because of crummy weather. SAD! Then, they announce that the postponed game will happen on Thursday night, when I am out of town. TICKED! Tomorrow night is supposed to be my first night of golf league; I'm not stupid - I looked at the weather forecast and we are not going to be on a golf course with snow showers and a high of 40. FRUSTRATED!
What do you get when you add BUMMED + SAD + TICKED + FRUSTRATED? You get me smack in the middle of disappointment. I have thought about this quite a bit the last three days, and I can honestly say that this crummy weather would not be bugging me nearly as much if I didn't have things planned. It's the fact that I had something to look forward to, and that something (those somethings) are gone. I have had great nights - watched hockey, ate dinner at home with Rick, spent some good family time, got some much needed housework done - doesn't make up for the fact that I had plans that were changed.
Interestingly enough, I have checked in with a few of the people that also had these things planned, and they sound pretty okay. They would have liked to be able to follow through on plans, but they all seem to get over it pretty quickly. So, now on top of the crummy weather and my altered plans, I'm disappointed in myself for getting so excited about plans that are always up for change. After 50 years of this, I would think I could alter my expectations, but I haven't figured it out yet.
So - no powerful question tonight - no books to read - no great quotes - simply a bit of venting. I think that is what I needed - owning up to my choice to wallow in my disappointment. I am a bit curious about how you handle those types of things. Do you just accept it as part of life? Do you have a quick reaction and then move on? or, are you like me and find yourself getting a little stuck when something you really wanted to do falls through?
I'm done writing now - I started looking for an image - I found this.
What does this mean? How can disappointment be the greatest gift of all?